The truth is, I’m addicted to my diet; I’m addicted to staying lean; and I’m addicted to reality television -but that’s another post for an entirely unrelated blog so we’ll focus on the first two addictions for now.

I’ve been training with weights since 1990. I discovered the weights when I dropped out of Spanish IV and chose a different elective, weightlifting. But I don’t think the class was called weightlifting. It may have been called something else. Actually, now that I think about it, it may have been an art class I replaced with Spanish IV and not weightlifting. Either way, it doesn’t matter. The point is I discovered lifting a long time ago.

I remember the first time I ever went to the gym I did so many sets and reps of bicep curls that I could not lift or straighten my arm enough to even comb my hair the next morning. It was awesome and I was hooked. However, it took me a while before I got the diet part right.  Back then I ate bananas, white rice and tuna, bagels, and Kellog’s Special K and thought that was eating healthy. Not surprisingly, I never grew on that diet.

Eventually I got it right, though, and even went on to compete in several natural bodybuilding shows and earn my NGA pro card. It was not until I learned how to eat like a bodybuilder and manipulate my diet to keep the muscle on and the fat off that things went wrong -or right, depending on how you look at it I guess.

By now more than half of my existence on this planet has been devoted to this lifestyle. I know no other way to be and that’s kind of the problem. Does that make it a habit or an addiction? Maybe a little of both?

Before I had a wife and son, I would live, breathe, sleep, eat, and shit bodybuilding. Now I live, breathe, sleep, eat, and shit bodybuilding while also being a devoted husband and father. In other words, not much has really changed as far as my passion for the sport. It’s pretty easy for me to maintain this lifestyle, though, because my wife shares my passion for fitness and eating healthy. The difference is that she knows how not to be enslaved by her diet and I don’t. …Although one might accuse her of being addicted to staying lean, too.

Why so strict?

So why the strict adherence to this lifestyle? Let me explain.

As has already been established, I’ve been living this way for 19 years now. I’ve eaten the same thing day in and day out for six meals a day for pretty much that whole amount of time. Partly because I thrive on structure, and not having to think what I’m going to eat for my next meal is convenient. But mostly because of the fact that each meal was deliberately chosen based on it’s specific ratio of protein, carbs, and fat  …and eating the same diet kept me lean. 

See, that’s the problem. I like to be lean and have a “six-pack.” Hell, I’ve had a six-pack for as long as I can remember. I fear that not knowing my macronutrient profile and not having a structured diet plan and just throwing my “diet” out the window and eating willy-nilly-style will cause me to gain fat. Don’t get me wrong, I usually have a cheat meal at least once a week, sometimes twice. But my problem is that if I don’t weigh out my food and stick to my daily diet then I tend to over eat. It’s like my brain doesn’t have that switch that tells me, “Greg, you might be approaching a state of fullness now. You’d better put the fork down.”

The decision to loosen up

About six weeks ago after many many many months of urging, my wife convinced me to step outside of my comfort zone and not feel like I have to eat exactly the same same each and every day. I agreed to give it a shot. Here’s how that is going.

At first I felt liberated, like screw it, I’m going to just eat whatever the hell I want now. I kind of did. I stopped eating my usual beef, eggs, and oatmeal concoction (“beefcakes”) every morning for breakfast and I replaced it with waffles, toast, no beef, and just ate omelets, sometimes would have french toast, cereal, etc. For lunch I pretty much ate the same thing except now I may use Shake’n'Bake on my chicken and I’ll eat Uncle Ben’s Southwestern Style Brown Rice instead of sweet potatoes. Broccoli stayed, of course. Still a ridiculously healthy meal. For dinner (meal 5) I went from 10 oz. lean ground beef and 7 oz. broccoli to a delicious medley of ground beef, broccoli, green peppers, onions, garlic diced tomatoes, black beans, Mrs. Dash’s Fiesta seasoning, cheese, and topped with a little bit of sour cream. Mmmm.

Meals 2, 4, I left exactly the same. Meal 6 I reduced the amount of protein powder I was eating.

While I changed up my breakfast, lunch and dinner a little and started adding more variety if I wanted it, overall I just began eating less. Less beef, less chicken, less protein powder.

And guess what? because I was eating less I lost a few pounds. I got leaner. And I liked what  saw in the mirror more.

And guess what that meant. My addiction intensified. And the vicious cycle continues.  

So whereas at the beginning I was saying screw it and not measuring anything and eating a cookie here and there and big bowls of cereal, etc. Now I’m still mixing up my food choices …but they are the same food choices in the same portions! I inherently fall right back into a pattern – a structure.

Now what?

So what to do? I think in order to ever eat like a normal human being I would have to quit bodybuilding altogether. I’m aware that many (most?) people go to the gym and exercise for the sole reason of being able to BE loose on their diet (and I use the term “diet” to mean simply “what they eat” not a diet in the traditional sense of the word). But for me, I go to the gym to challenge myself, to get bigger muscles, to create the body I envision in my mind. And my food choices are an important element in that journey. I guess that’s why I stay so strict with it.

And I guess that’s why I’ll always be messed up in the head.

What about you? Are you able to be a bodybuilder and still be carefree with your diet? How?! Help a brother out!